Spring is in the air and wedding season is just around the corner. That means that very shortly many pastors and Christian leaders are going to be asked an increasingly common question: Can I attend a same sex wedding as a believer in Jesus Christ? Before I answer that let me answer a few other related questions.
Can I attend a baby shower for the child of a same sex couple?
That isn’t a pretend question, I was asked that just last week. I think the answer to that question is yes. Every human being is created in the image of God and is deserving of equal dignity, affirmation and love. Every child is a gift from God and should be celebrated, cherished and showered with grace and mercy. Christians should be known as much for what we are “for” as for what we are “against”. We are FOR BABIES. Big time; Hallelujah, Amen. Go to the shower and bring a generous gift; smile and fuss; coo and tickle and do all the things you would do for every baby created in the image and likeness of God.
Can I socialize with gay friends?
Absolutely! Jesus was a friend of sinners (P.S. All your friends are sinners. P.P.S. You are also a sinner) and he regularly fellowshipped with people who were NOT among the religious elite of their culture. However, we must remember HOW Jesus fellowshipped with sinners. Luke’s Gospel records:
30 And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” 31 And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:30–32 ESV)
Jesus hung out with sinners without compromise and with a clear ministry objective: he was calling sinners to repentance. Friendship done poorly can be understood as approval and affirmation. We should never laugh about something that hurts people and robs God of glory. We should never smile at things that offend God and deface the image of God in human beings. We can be with people as friends in a way that says, “I love you, I am for you but I am concerned about some of your choices. I want you to trust in God and to walk in his ways, for your good and for His glory always.”
Jesus was always on mission without in any way seeming inauthentic in his love for people. Is that easy? No. Is that necessary for a follower of Jesus Christ? Absolutely. We can and should be friends with all manner of sinners (without ever forgetting that we too are sinners and great debtors to the grace of God in Christ) but we should do so without compromise and with purpose and intentionality. If your gay neighbours invite you over for dinner, by all means go! Go and talk about baseball, the neighbourhood garage sale, local politics and that dog down the street with only 3 legs. Talk about those things, be friendly but be a Christian. Be excited about the goodness of God and the wisdom and life giving RIGHTNESS of all his ways. Invite them to church. Invite them into your home. Ask if you can pray for them. Invite them to repent and put their faith in Christ. Don’t treat your gay friends any different then you are supposed to be treating ALL your friends who are sinners in need of God’s grace through Jesus Christ.
Having said all of that, let’s go back to the original question:
Can I attend a gay wedding?
No. That may seem at odds with the things I have just said in answer to the questions listed above but the simple fact is that weddings are different. Weddings are services of celebration. A wedding is traditionally, and still generally, framed as a religious service and the blessing of God is sought and offered upon the union. Ask yourself this question; while I’m sure you have many divorced friends with whom you socialize on a regular basis, would you attend a “Celebration Of Divorce” service? Why not? Because, according to the Bible, divorce while permissible in some instances is always cause for regret and disappointment. It is never a good thing, though it is not always the worst thing. Jesus expressed a certain tone in answering the Pharisees’ question about divorce:
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:7–9 ESV)
Divorce, while permissible in some cases and necessary in others because of the hardness of our hearts – IS NEVERTHELESS ALWAYS LESS THAN THE WILL OF GOD! It is not something to be celebrated it is something to regret, something to sigh over, not reason for cake and confetti. A Christian who loves what God loves and regrets what God regrets would not go to a “Celebration Of Divorce” service, even though he or she would have no qualms about socializing with folks who have been divorced. There is a difference between celebration and socialization. The Bible says:
"Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves." (Romans 14:22 ESV)
Christians cannot come together to celebrate and publicly approve of that which God has forbidden. In Romans 1 the Apostle condemns those who approve of people who are doing things God has forbidden.
26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:26–32 ESV)
Again and again the New Testament warns us against appearing to affirm things or people that we should not. Paul warned young Timothy:
"Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thus share responsibility for the sins of others; keep yourself free from sin." (1 Timothy 5:22 NASB)
According to the Bible approval is participation. It makes you an accomplice and it causes you to share responsibility for their sin.
Wedding services often make this participation explicit. At a certain point in the service the officiating minister says: “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony let him speak it now or forever hold his peace”. Unless you are prepared to speak, then you cannot in good conscience participate. Beware lest you be condemned by what you approve.
Let us as Christians be active in friendship and mercy towards all people regardless of colour, creed, gender, wealth or sexual orientation. But let us retain our convictions and our distinctive GOSPEL values while so doing. Let us advocate for the essential goodness and beauty of the original design of God for all things. Let us do that with kindness, humility, courage, conviction and consistency. Let us follow Jesus in being friends with sinners and calling them to repentance. May God alone be glorified.
SDG
Paul Carter